Our unconscious core beliefs about our self others and the world, the foundation in which we make decisions though out our lives most often show up in current relationships. None of us have perfect families. Underneath our core misbeliefs, is the original person that we are, the “who we are” human being. We are unique, have our own opinions and thoughts, our own desires – preferences, our own special talents. We see ourselves as:
We believe we are lovable and have the right to be loved. Children need security and safety in the following areas:
- Emotional, physical, mentally (own thoughts), socially, spiritually (own exploration)
- Unconditional acceptance
- Structure and consistency
Children’s number one coping strategy is to disconnect from original self (from life), in many ways. We continue these coping strategies throughout adulthood. We had emotional experiences and developed strategies. Now we need to re-experience life to learn “new” information about ourselves and the world.
All Experiences Create Feelings. Feelings are Our Teacher
We need to go back and meet those childhood needs. We need to experience our validation, affirm self, trust self first, and step into our power/healthy way…recycle. What would you like to experience in your life today?
- Lack of fear—trusting yourself
- Lack of anger—serenity
- Belief that your “less than” or “I’m enough”
Exploring Our Childhood Environment
Here are some examples of childhood relationships that are unhealthy or destructive:
FATHER WAS: Judgmental, perfectionist, controlling, angry, depressed, critical, absent, passive unreliable, neglectful, busy, unsafe.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER WAS: Uninvolved, lack of attention, fearful, overly protective, critical, controlling, enmeshed, lack of trust, deceitful, checked out, disconnected.
Use these same examples for relationships with your mother or others. Looking at the above, what would some of your misbeliefs be? Remember that children blame themselves for all their unmet needs. Some examples from the above might be:
- I’m unimportant
- I’m bad
- I’m not good enough
- I’m unworthy
- I’m stupid
- I’m less than
- I’m not wanted
- It’s not okay to get my needs met
- I can’t think for myself
Here’s some examples on how those might play out:
- If a child is left (abandoned), they believe: I’m not wanted, it’s not ok to be as close as I need to be.
- If a child is neglected, they believe: I don’t deserve to get my needs met, I’m not important.
- If a child is controlled, they believe: I can’t think for myself, it’s not ok to explore who I am.
THESE ARE NOT CONSCIOUS THOUGHTS
THESE ARE UNCONSCIOUS MEMORIES
The corrective experience process takes time. It is long term healing, therefore some people get frustrated. This process is not for people who are looking for a quick fix. This process is for people who are willing to take action and willing to learn how to be accountable and responsible for their lives. It is an emotional, physical, mental, social and spiritual process. There are many therapy processes. Each person needs to find what works for them. It is an understanding of:
- Human development stages
- Cellular memory
- Parenting styles
- Internalization of our experiences
- Defenses/protection/addictive behaviors
- Carried childhood influences into today
- Importance of self awareness
- Healthy care of self
- Shame/guilt/anger and other cognitive learning’s
The corrective experience process, in the way I help clients, will help them begin to emerge and re-connect to their true self. The “who I am” question will slowly be answered. One of the challenging aspects is to continue to explore, going through the stages of development again and again, and continue learning to use their support system and tools. Stepping out of the old ways of behaving, learning to trust themselves to step into their adult and nurture their inner child. Grieving the loss of the old ways and wrapping their arms around the “new way, and honoring their needs and wants.
I help motivate people to take action on their behalf and gain insight into their roots of their scripts (self preservation). It’s the beginning of the “new,” our recycling of the old, always continued insight and deepening, discovery and re-discovery. Grieving our losses at a deep level helps our awarenesses and gives us hope. Until we have new experiences again and again that speaks our truth, we will continue to believe in our un-truth, which were messages we received from our first environment.
I will tell you “you deserve to be loved”. You may think that, however, is your behavior consistent with what you think? What we think and what we believe are different. We need to experience at a deep level (unconscious) where our core misbeliefs are where our “true self” resides. Yes, this is inner child work, and also re-discovery of our critical/nurturing parent and adult ego states. You and your inner child need emotional and physical safety, validation and acceptance. The purpose is to live life fully, and valuing self with understanding and compassion as we take responsibility for our physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual health. The purpose is to let go of what no longer serves you. Guilt, shame and our past that keeps us stuck.
To read more about children’s unmet needs and how you unconsciously develop core misbeliefs, click here.
Individual Sessions – $60.00
Couples Sessions – $65.00
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